Motherly Love

Right, I'm at the point of envisioning creative and unusual methods for offing my mother.
Any tips are welcome. Brownie points for the method being actually funny besides being unusual.

What happened yet again?
Oh, lemme see. Here I am, having a cold, shivering, when she tells me if I want any kind of food I'll have to cook it (and gobble it before she gets to it first, or I won't get any, btw).
So I go, shed the countless bedcovers and warm stuff because I'm planning on moving and not burning myself by one of the covers catching fire...
I made some omelets, but as soon as I turned off the stove she's all over it like some starving man. (She had lunch, I didn't.)
I say I'd like a piece of what I cooked too, because all I had today was tea.

So what does my very loving mother do?
She goes and opens the window, saying it's too hot in here. Outside is like 10-15°C, max, and a strong (need I say chilling?) wind comes in. I instantly start to shiver, but like hell will I give my food up.
She's off, opening the window at my room then, because "It's too humid and hot in here", so I get some food on my plate and quip: why is she opening the windows on a sick person?

She: a sick person shouldn't cook. And if I hadn't cooked, she wouldn't have to open the window.

Me: Why? You would have cooked? Fat chance. Not to mention I'm hungry too. No cafeteria at home, you know.

She takes a plate and roughly pushes me away. Luckily I did not drop the plate, nor my food.
Went back to my room, closed the window, pulled all possible covers over me.

It's so nice to be me, don't you think?