Lamenting

I cursed my mother today.
She had it coming for 23 years. I always put that off because hell, she is my mother for crying out loud, and people shouldn't do that to their mother even if she fucks them up so bad she did to me.
Yeah, I have phobias and more psychological issues than I can count, all thanks to her care. And now I'm more fucked up than ever, thanks again to her yet again.

Why did I decide to do it now then? I guess I finally snapped. I've taken more abuse from her than most people could stomach, and I still loved her as my mother.
I was an idiot.
Well, now that she has torn up a book and two stories of mine I've worked on for quite some time, I finally went over, and cursed her.
Stupid reason, I know, but... seriously... Who would stoop so low to tear up a book and my works to get to me if I do not respond to the taunts? How petty is that?

I'm still feeling sorry I had to do it, but she deserved it for all she had done to me.
She had it coming.
And I guess I will pay the price - well, actually I have paid it for 23 years.
It is her due.
And I'm very very sad I did that to my mother, and even more sad that my mother did the things to me that fucked me up so, and what had proved me right to do this.

It was long overdue.