It was the most stupidly pointless, fucking idiotic, boring as all hell movie of my life, rivaled only by Wolverine, maybe.
If I said:
- ok guys, imagine an evil alien invasion, now show it from the point of view of the most boring, dislikeable but not hateful enough to be actually memorable characters, who will whine, dick around and whine some more in circles;
- make sure to make the alien ship and the aliens look like those little moving probes from the Matrix because they are cool and add some high-tech Cthulhu look alikes as well;
- then make it look totally boring and make sure to put in enough pregnant silence, dicking around, more whining and have them act like stupid, brainless American shit...
well, then they couldn't have made it this bad. It takes talent to be this fucking boring and to make such shit.
To sum it up, an evil invasion occurs, and NOBODY NOTICES THE HUGE FUCKING SPACESHIPS COMING, while during Independence Day Americans all over the movie were creaming their pants waiting for their friendly neighborhood ET to hover above their city!
Then!!! It takes DAYS for the fucking American Air Force to notice that ET (who looks like those little probes of Matrix who took Morpheus' ship apart in the first Movie) is all over the fucking city and eats humans and uh... not to forget the huge fucking spaceships just plain siphoning hundreds of humans up from the streets. It takes DAYS for a FEW PLANES to attack the ship. One ship, mind. I'd think if this happened it'd take hours, tops for a whole army of planes to attack ET and his mothership.
But then again, it is an American movie and maybe I have been keeping America in too high a regard. Heh. How sad is that?
Anyway. The main characters are a bunch of partying twentysomethings who drink and curse and have huge bulging tattoos and fuck around, a charming lot, really. They don't know anything, they are scared, have guns and have no aim, are scared as rabbits, they just sort of wander around and exlaim: oh my god, they've taken Mr whatshisname... Oh my god!!! They have no plans!! The call the cops after they see hundreds of people being abducted. AND they wonder why nobody's picking up. And they stay in a skyscraper instead of running to something underground...
So when the water supply stops and they are trapped in the skyscraper they just act all surprised and they sort of... don't even panic much, they just bicker and act reeeeally stooopid. WTF? Is it how real Americans act? If so, they deserve to be eaten by ET, and I give them the thumbs up. (No, intelligent Americans, who scampered into the sewers, collected water and food supplies and saved themselves deserve to stay alive. Obviously.)
Then, when help comes and soldiers land on top of the buildings they stay low and they cower in fear and bicker instead of going out there and saying. hey we are prolly the last survivors here, care to give us a lift to a safer place? Je~sus!
Finally, a guy gets the right idea but he is rebuffed because he is "infected by the aliens". *facedesk* Then he takes his gf anyway. Predictably the guy and blonde bitch left in the flat are eaten. Well, the girl is, the guy opens the gas (which is still mysteriously working *cough*) and blows himself up. Btw, that was Angel from Dexter.
Then a mega alien, looking disturbingly like Cthulhu with many glowing blue eyes wreaks havoc and when a bunch of planes come to attack it it single mindedly does not try to kill the planes that can kill it, but goes after the two humans on the roof and tries to eat them time and time again... until it is finally killed by the numerous crashing planes and whatnot.
Seriously... writers: have you lost your fucking minds snorting coke or something?! Why wouldn't the fucking alien fight back instead of trying to eat two harmless humans???? Fight first, eat the meal later, no? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING MINDS?!
Ok, the ending is yet the weirdest shit ever: the final two humans (prggers girl and infected bloke) gets sucked into the spaceship and the girls wakes up, all sticky to see people's heads bitten off. She sees her bf's head get bitten off, then she is sucked into some tube and into what appears to be the dining hall. There aliens seem to eject their used up brains and eat human brains that seem to glow blue in the feeding area. Then they go on about their alien business. (Should I even say how fucking stupid that is?!) Then there is a redly glowing brain. The alien that gobbles it up shakes, shakes its head a lot, then stands up, puts its hand over the girl's stomach, she screams a lot, then it strokes her head and she realizes it's her bf's brain. Obviously red means infected and nobody notices when an alien is about to eat an infected brain. Good gods, this is sooo fucking stupid.
Anyway, the movie ends up with said alien bf standing over the girl and dozen other aliens attacking.
I don't dare to count how many times I said "stupid" in this post.
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