Feel the pain

I signed the papers today, I'm officially a gal with a job. I'll be a slave of customer care again, but they'll pay me. For now this will have to do.

Why don't I care at the moment?

I guess it has to do with the fact that I have barely slept 3 hours, am peeing blood and I spent today signing papers, afraid that I would have to run to the toilet to my utter humiliation (luckily I found some meds and took them and they made it a little bit less unbearable), and then I spent the rest of my day (one of my 3 last free days!!!) at the doc, trying to pee into a little glass tube.

Since I'm not a guy and because of my illness I could hardly get any in. And they made me re-pee into another tube again. And again. It was a smelly, dirty bathroom and it hurt to pee (again, side effect of the illness) and I seriously wanted to do other stuff while I could. No luck.

So I come home and my mom calls and tells me I'm not sick, I will go and work on the 1st of April without any problems and so and so.

Have I mentioned that the glass tube I filled had its results already? My white cell count was high and other stuff were bad too because the nurse who gave me the results sent me back to the doc asap. So now I will have to fill another tube next Thursday and bring it to the doc, BEFORE work, EARLY FUCKING MORNING!!

But no, my mom tells me I'm not sick. So I'm having my nervous breakdown here, because apparently my folks don't care shit about me. Not even to say anything nice. No, my mom had to be patronizing and say I'm not sick at all. (Does she think I enjoy being sick? Does she think I love spending prefious free hours trying to piss into glass tubes when it causes me excruciating pain? Trust me, I don't want to be sick. I want to be healthy, enjoy the sunshine, go shop for the stuff I definitely will need and sleep while I can.)

And I just hate to be sick, hate to be tired, I hate to spend so much time at the doc where they think I have nothing else to do but retake tests, because my free time is theirs to spend. And I still haven't had a chance to buy shampoo (my bottle is empty), a 1 liter bottle for work to bring tea with and a little bag to keep my phone - and other stuff I do not want to get stolen - in at work.

Instead I will have to stay in bed tomorrow, take the meds and waste precious free time.

So what's so hard about saying "Yeah, this sucks, you have bad luck. You have every right to be hysterical. But don't worry, it'll be all right. You can take time off if you are sick, but you will heal by Thursday. Everything will be fine. Just take your meds, have a good night's rest and you will have time for yourself later. Not now, and I know this sucks, but you will. Everything will be fine."?

Because this is what I want to hear to calm down.

But nobody ever cares.