I'm pissed off

I'm angry. Obviously, I'm not the right kind of friend for half my... friends.

I've came to realize that lying is one of the most important things in maintaining a friendship, and it doesn't sit well with me. Mostly, because I have to use white (or a bit darker shade of) lies to keep our friendships going smoothly, and then swallow a few things from them, things that I feel are a bit too cruel. And they say they just didn't want to lie.

True. Truth hurts. But why is it that in our friendships it's only me who gets hurt by the "truth"? I wonder.

If I tell the truth, I'm get told "that really hurt" or "you're hurting me", but if I'm hurt, I hardly get a "sorry" in return. So I wonder sometimes if it's really worth it. I mean sure, I really wish to tell some people things like "yeah, your folks are completely right, and you should really wake up and realize in what kind of situation you are", or "of course no girl would go out with you, since you fall in love with a new girl every 2-3 days, you don't even seem remotely serious, not manly either, and for god's sake, why the hell do you have to talk about other women while you're trying to sweet-talk another one?!", or "and which guy are you going out with today?", or even "yeah, and you're telling me you didn't really like her because you got dumped... suuuuure". And the list goes on.

Yeah, I know I'm not easy to deal with. My priorities are skewered badly, like I'd sooner buy a bag of pretty beads than buy a movie ticket or coffee. I also know I have a twisted personality, open my mouth to change feet and I whine way too much... not to mention how much of an introvert I am. But I know all that. Don't think I don't beat up myself over it every day. But hell, I don't keep it a secret. I tell people beforehand. I expect them to know. I sometimes feel like changing myself, but then again, every time I try, I get a slap on the hand by life... but again, let's not go there. There is a reason why I'm the way I am, and at the moment I'm pretty much satisfied with my personality. I consider myself more or less sane, normal and reasonable. I could be a lot worse. (Or it could be much better.)

So back to my friends... I dunno what to do. I'm not saying they suck, but maybe I'll be just simply honest for a change next time they ask for my honest opinion - and they'll get it. My honest opinion, that is. They'll probably not like it, and I guess then I'll see some interesting reactions.

And I think I'll be looking for some new friends if they don't realize that honesty is always brutal - and that honesty goes both ways in a friendship.