Red Sauce on Pasta!

*cough* I mean This is Sparta!

I mean I've watched 300. Finally.

My impression: lots of reds and blues and browns. Whoa, bondage muscle-men with capes on...

Fast forward and slow motion scenes...

Lots of American emotional crap...

And hey, where the hell were the Spartan war-buddies fucking? (Sorry, I mean the well-known Spartan pederasty.) I mean that was a pretty well-known fact... a fact Americans omitted for half-naked girls dancing in delirium... and instead made the Spartans joke about Athens and boy-lovers... yeah right, idiots...

The oracle woman with the floating dress was any male's fantasy and... uh...

Hey, at least they used "Come back with your shield or on it." expression.

But otherwise... I think the guy who dreamed up and made the movie read only the cliff notes and had forgot to do his homework because boy... this is utterly stupid and just plain yuck.

This is NOT Sparta. This is indeed Madness. *sigh*

Now about the fighting scenes:

The Persians are obviously the bad guys, so they look like monsters, creeps and rabid gay men with freakish accessories. Why does Xerxes remind me of Aphophis of Stargate? Hmmm... well, you tell me.

Seriously, whoever decided on Xerxes' look... was definitely into pierced androgynous men. Sad, because I can't imagine the guy looking like that. I'm pretty sure he didn't look that freakshow-y, or made such loud clangy noises from all that assorted jewelry when moving. No, I don't think Xerxes would be into accessorizing quite that much. Ick.

Yay, rhino! Awww, cute! Awww, dead by one spear and one thrown spear alone. Like... hell.

More freaks. More monstrous creatures on, of course, the Persian side.

Xerxes is shown as someone icky and inhuman and stooopid. Like... killing his own generals because he's annyoed. Hmm. Why is it that only the good guys can be nice and understanding and mushy, even if said good guys are frikkin Spartans, who are the less mushy nation I can remember? *sigh*

Oh lookie, elephants! Oh lookie... poor things falling off cliffs because uh... just because.

And what the hell is with the little tight underwear of Spartans and no frikkin armor? Was this made for rabid females with muscle fetish or something? And seriously... do Spartans carry oils tucked in their underwear or something to oil their muscles between fights to stay so shiny? Eugh!

Oh, lookie, lots of head choppings. Lots. I mean it... In slow motion no less. Ick.

Why am I not surprised that the freak, the poor Spartan reject betrays them in the end? Predictable Hollywood crap.

Nope... I didn't like this.

The single most stupid line in the movie ever:

Leonidas: "For tonight we dine in hell!"

WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don't know why, you are a disgrace.
(Yup, hell was invented by Christians. Greek underworld is Hades. Congrats, American idiots. We never forget.)

And last but not least: the visuals of the wheat fields strongly reminded me of Gladiator, but when Lisa Gerrard's Now We Are Free started playing at the end of 300 (Gladiator Soundtrack) it made me laugh. Recycled look and soundtrack. Figures.

But hey, I like Lisa Gerrard's songs so for that they are forgiven... but it's still funny.