no comment :D

I'll save you from yourself
From those demons of the night
I promise fame and fortune
All that you eagerly desire.

I'll save you from yourself
From those voices calling you
Sell your soul to evil
Then you'll be dancing forever.

Today I Saw Jesus

Today I saw Jesus.
He was walking up the hill, decked out in all white.
He was in a half-buttoned shirt, flowing gently in the wind, white-washed jeans and old trainers.
He had a halo of golden-brown hair, bright blue eyes, and he was walking on the thin sidewalk to the lamp I was stading and waiting for the green light.
I was mesmerized, and I knew he was going to come to me and talk to me.
He did walk in measured steps, stopped in front of me, and he talked to me.
He asked for a lighter.

Sadly I had none, so he left.


(Ok, comment for dummies: it was a joke. The bloke just looked like Jesus. No, I still do *NOT* believe in that stupid little religion. It was most probably a homeless guy.)

Book 7

Well, that was sickeningly sweet. I could have thrown up at the end. Eughh.
The side of pink fluffy things and unicorns. Please spare me.

She of course cheerfully murdered off all my favorite characters, first one getting it in the first chapters.

Then she made a sob story out of Sev. *loud retching noises* I think I hate her.

And the mistakes! The book was full of mistakes. If she can't remember the story of her own bloody books as much as I do, it sucks. I mean I think I've read book 6 two times, tops. Jesus.

She also tried to infuse some horror/thriller elements into it in one of the last chapters/scenes, and it did not bode well.
It sucked big time.
Oh well. I never said the bint was ever one of my favorite writers. Or a genius. Not bloody likely.

Deeper into our heavenly suffering
Our fragile souls are falling
It's heartache every moment
Baby with you

Haha! Fooled you! As if I would really like that shit. And yuck! ^^
Anyway... Now I know what I will do on saturday. Hint: http://thefifthdistrict.com/potter/
Wheeeee!

Have you ever wished someone would just drop dead and stay that way? I mean happening in one moment, not building up slowly to an annoyance. Like a strong convinction that you just can't go on if it stays this way.

Well I do.

It is one thing, that I can't go and travel for a while in summer, which is troublesome, because my parents are a bunch of hypocrites who are bitter, stupid and can't think out of the box. Sad, but true. No wonder they have no friends.
It is another, that my folks see this as a chance to vent their angers on me, because I am studying for my exam that's standing between me and my graduation and chance to leave my parentals behind. And believe me, I wish to leave them as far behind as physically possible. As far as my life is concerned, I can thank all my psychological issues to them.

Anyway, besides as them ranting and criticising every aspect of my life, preference in clothes and friends and... well... every aspect of my life, they even think they are a gift from heaven and are meant to ruin everything I own just because it does not suit their tastes.
The funny thing is that I'm not some teenager, and hell, if I lived anywhere else, any other country I would be away from them long ago, but given that this is Hungary... I'm not.
Wish I were. There is no day I do not think about leaving uni and all behind and just find some mindless job and move *away*. Even suicide would do, but really, I don't plan on ending my life.
Just because a pair of reatrds think I'm not the most perfect person on earth I'm not gonna give them the satisfaction to see me crumble.
I have a higher IQ, friends (albeit few, but trusted), ideals and a fucking will to have as much fun in life as I can manage with my personal issues, allergy and assorted illnesses (large part of it I'm told is born from psychological issues, all thanks to my folks... figures).

So. Plan so far: ace the exam (or even pass it), get a job, move out, never come back again.
Sounds good, eh?

This is pissing me off.
My mother opened the windows on me while I was asleep. Again.
Ok, it's summer, but it's only 20°C at noon. It was the coldest in the wee hours of the morning. And now the flat is cold and I'm cold and my nose is running.
Why does she do that? I don't get it. Why is she making me sick? Why is she so into making me miserable? Is it some kind of mother thing I did not know so far?
I mean other mothers tell their kids they love them and want them and how good they are. I get told I'm hated, no good and ugly. Now I know I'm not a monster, but telling those things to a seven year old girl has consequences.
I wish I could do anything to make her as miserable as I was. So far, I was too kind hearted to do anything.
Why must I not hate her? Because she is obviously mad? How long do I have to be nice to my parents for bringing me up, giving me all kinds of traumas so I am so disfunctional that only the thing that my psychological issues are clashing is keeping me sane?
Good ideas shall be greatly appreciated. (No, killing is not an option. No matter how much of a cunt she is, I won't get in prison for murdering her.)

After Harry Potter Five, before throwing up

How to go about this...
It was a fun start. The bus was going only in half an hour time intervals, so I had to walk to the tram (and now I shall thank my parents for making me paranoid, so I was panicking at every shadow). It was an uneventful walk... down the hill. Thanks for the boots my ankles survived it.
Then I got there. The usual funny kids in hats were absent, and we felt a great loss for it. (Was with a certain friend who missed them a great deal too.) And soon the movie started rolling.
It began in an interesting way, and I saw myself commenting "it wasn't written like this" and "gimme a hammer" and even "the translator is horseshit".
Otherwise it was... not bad, better than the other ones for certain, though the end sucked big time. They changed the end completely and Voldie possessed Harry's body. Now that threw me for a loop. Oh well, what did I expect anyway?
But the young Snape... Man, was he hot or is the Pope not Catholic? ^^;
I found a picture of him on the net. Drool material.


Then, after the movie... It was relatively easy to get into the toilets... a wonder if I ever saw one, and then I found the right bus stop for the night buses.
The bus stunk. I mean really. It smelled horrible. Like if a bunch of homeless people lived there and used it as a toilet too. I nearly jumped off, but it wasn't like buses grew on trees, so I endured it. And when I finally got off, it was like heaven. I nearly threw up on the bus, and my stomach is still queasy after 2 hours.
Anyway, then I proceeded to climb the hill. Now you already know I was utterly paranoid, so I whipped out my knife and wheezed my way slowly up. had to stop several times to catch my breath (yay for asthma) and not to mention the cramps (thanks for the allergy medicine of always completely draining me of calcium, and if I forget to take a pill one day, I'll be all cramps the next day - happened today, and ouch) I got in my legs, so...
Anyway, after a scared as hell run up when some guy started following me (thankfully he passed me without incident) I arrived at the door to the garden - just to have two cats set their sights on me. One of them I couldn't shake off, so I had to feed him some chicken to bribe him to go home or bother someone else.

And now I'm hungry, but my stomach is still a bit out of it after that smell. It was one of the most horrible smells (or the most horrible, now that i think of it) I ever experienced.
And I hope I lost some weight after that climb. After all I went the straight and steepestway possible.

And gods, young Snape is HOT!

I want a friggin woman!

Story so far:
I have a friend. He's handsome in his own way, not stupid, interesting to talk with... a bit clueless, but oh well. he is a friend. We did friend stuff, he sobbed on my shoulder about his ex, who dropped him, he sometimes made comments on girls, and so did I about guys. We agreed we are not each other's type, so what else to do? We also had some fun flirting moment ending in "yeah right" comments. Nothing steamy. We even discussed clothing and whatnot without the other getting horny.
And now he is having issues and dragging up my comment that he is not my type. So what? I'm not his type either, and we are friends!
Also, he still considers me as a friend and nothing more, or so he tells me. But he would fuck me if he ever came over.
But it was difficult to drag it out of him. He was jealous and had issues, and it was so hard to get him admit what his bloody problem was. Fucktard.

Guys are all drama queens. After all these ordeals I want a bloody woman. I'm sure they don't play drama queens that often. At least I know what to do with a woman, after all I know how many issues we have. And with a woman I know what to expect.
Arrrrrgh!

How to seduce a guy without a boob-fetish

I was kind of bored. (Should be studying really, but who cares?)
Anyway. Guys with boob-fetish (90% of living males) are easy. You just get a nice, low-cut blouse and show off. (Talking about myself.) Or even mentioning f-cup works. They'll be like cominc relief zombies, chanting: "F-cup, F-cup!". Boring.

Now about guys who won't be interested in breasts... Beats me. Unless they are captured by my sparkling intellect (hah!) or wit (double hah!), I'd have a hard time. Acting all clever and nice is just boring and I'm not into it.
So... I'll get back to it. Still thinking.

Neil in Morpork

Neil came over today to sign books!

We brought lots, and he was nice and smiley about all of it. It was very cute and nice of him, because honestly, I would have chucked them out the window, and murdered the bastards who wanted more than 2-3 books signed.
I brought 6 books for him to sign. ^^;
Someone got a drawing of Dream. Lucky him. He had the hardbacked Sandman series. I was so envious. I only got "Dream!" on my Season of Mists. Sniffle.
Still, yipee! I got them signed, and I got some pretty pretty drawings. Wheeee! (I honestly did not consume too much sugar. Yet.)

Also, he signed "Burn this book!" on Good Omens. Lol. Like hell I will, if I have a say in it. ^^
I also had pictures taken of the two of us and took pics with my mobile phone of him.
Pictures may come later. I'll beg for them as soon as I get a chance. Friends had the camera, because I forgot mine. ^^;

Also, Mr el Fauno was there too. A.k.a. Abe Sapien from Hellboy. (Blue, fishy guy.)
He gave me a signature on a slip of paper, took a photo together, and he huggled my male friends. My friends think he's gay. I dunno, but they had funny faces on when he hugged them, so I had fun. Oh yes, I did. ^^

Alnyway, I hope I'll get my pics soon. Wheeeee!

My Fave Pratchett Quote

Now a black-robed figure scurried through the midnight streets, ducking from doorway to doorway, and reached a grim and forbidding portal. No mere doorway got that grim without effort, one felt. It looked as though the ar­chitect had been called in and given specific instructions. We want something eldritch in dark oak, he'd been told. So put an unpleasant gargoyle thing over the archway, give it a slam like the footfall of a giant and make it clear to everyone, in fact, that this isn't the kind of door that goes 'ding-dong' when you press the bell.

The figure rapped a complex code on the dark woodwork. A tiny barred hatch opened and one sus­picious eye peered out.

" 'The significant owl hoots in the night,' " said the visitor, trying to wring the rainwater out of its robe.

" 'Yet many grey lords go sadly to the masterless men,' " intoned a voice on the other side of the grille.

" 'Hooray, horray for the spinster's sister's daugh­ter,' " countered the dripping figure.

" 'To the axeman, all supplicants are the same height.' "

" 'Yet verily, the rose is within the thorn.' "

" 'The good mother makes bean soup for the errant boy,' " said the voice behind the door.

There was a pause, broken only by the sound of the rain. Then the visitor said, "What?"

" 'The good mother makes bean soup for the errant boy.' "

There was another, longer pause. Then the damp figure said, "Are you sure the ill-built tower doesn't tremble mightily at a butterfly's passage?"

"Nope. Bean soup it is. I'm sorry."

The rain hissed down relentlessly in the embar­rassed silence.

"What about the caged whale?" said the soaking visitor, trying to squeeze into what little shelter the dread portal offered.

"What about it?"

"It should know nothing of the mighty deeps, if you must know."

"Oh, the caged whale. You want the Elucidated Brethren of the Ebon Night. Three doors down."

"Who're you, then?"

"We're the Illuminated and Ancient Brethren of Ee."

"I thought you met over in Treacle Street,'' said the damp man, after a while.

"Yeah, well. You know how it is. The fretwork club have the room Tuesdays. There was a bit of a mix-up."

"Oh? Well, thanks anyway."

"My pleasure." The little door slammed shut.

The robed figure glared at it for a moment, and then splashed further down the street. There was indeed another portal there. The builder hadn't bothered to change the design much.

He knocked. The little barred hatch shot back.

"Yes?"

"Look, 'The significant owl hoots in the night', all right?"

" 'Yet many grey lords go sadly to the masterless men.' "

" 'Hooray, horray for the spinster's sister's daugh­ter', okay?' "

" 'To the axeman, all supplicants are the same height.' "

" 'Yet verily, the rose is within the thorn.' It's piss­ing down out here. You do know that, don't you?"

"Yes," said the voice, in the tones of one who in­deed does know it, and is not the one standing in it.

The visitor sighed.

" 'The caged whale knows nothing of the mighty deeps,' " he said. "If it makes you any happier."

" 'The ill-built tower trembles mightily at a but­terfly's passage.' "

The supplicant grabbed the bars of the window, pulled himself up to it, and hissed: "Now let us in, I'm soaked."

There was another damp pause.

"These deeps ... did you say mighty or nightly?"

"Mighty, I said. Mighty deeps. On account of be­ing, you know, deep. It's me, Brother Fingers."

"It sounded like nightly to me," said the invisible doorkeeper cautiously.

"Look, do you want the bloody book or not? I don't have to do this. I could be at home in bed."

"You sure it was mighty?"

"Listen, I know how deep the bloody deeps are all right," said Brother Fingers urgently. "I knew how mighty they were when you were a perishing neo­phyte. Now will you open this door?"

"Well . . . all right."

There was the sound of bolts sliding back. Then the voice said, "Would you mind giving it a push? The Door of Knowledge Through Which the Untutored May Not Pass sticks something wicked in the damp."

Brother Fingers put his shoulder to it, forced his way through, gave Brother Doorkeeper a dirty look, and hurried within.

The others were waiting for him in the Inner Sanc­tum, standing around with the sheepish air of people not normally accustomed to wearing sinister hooded black robes. The Supreme Grand Master nodded at him.

"Brother Fingers, isn't it?"

"Yes, Supreme Grand Master."

"Do you have that which you were sent to get?"

Brother Fingers pulled a package from under his robe.

"Just where I said it would be," he said. "No prob­lem."

"Well done, Brother Fingers."

"Thank you, Supreme Grand Master."

The Supreme Grand Master rapped his gavel for at­tention. The room shuffled into some sort of circle.

"I call the Unique and Supreme Lodge of the Elu­cidated Brethren to order," he intoned. "Is the Door of Knowledge sealed fast against heretics and knowlessmen?"

"Stuck solid," said Brother Doorkeeper. "It's the damp. I'll bring my plane in next week, soon have it-"

"All right, all right," said the Supreme Grand Mas­ter testily. "Just a yes would have done. Is the triple circle well and truly traced? Art all here who Art Here? And it be well for an knowlessman that he should not be here, for he would be taken from this place and his gaskin slit, his moules shown to the four winds, his welchet torn asunder with many hooks and his figgin placed upon a spike yes what is it?"

"Sorry, did you say Elucidated Brethren?"

The Supreme Grand Master glared at the solitary figure with its hand up.

"Yea, the Elucidated Brethren, guardian of the sa­cred knowledge since a time no man may wot of-"

"Last February," said Brother Doorkeeper help­fully. The Supreme Grand Master felt that Brother Doorkeeper had never really got the hang of things.

"Sorry. Sorry. Sorry," said the worried figure. "Wrong society, I'm afraid. Must have taken a wrong turning. I'll just be going, if you'll excuse me . . ."

Been watching Heroes lately. Love the japanese guy. He's very cute. Especially when he sees the "flying man" and describes car "boo boo". That was really cute. Wish I could watch more.

I WANT A BLOODY BREAK!

What Kind of Damsel in Distress Are You?

The Self-sufficient Damsel!
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What kind of Damsel in Distress are You?

You're the Warrior Maiden! You like things that are practical and useful but you lack nothing in taste. Bright showy things get your attention and you're not afraid to take action. You are rarely irrationally scared and are not one for phobias. You know your limits but often try hard to overreach them, which sometimes proves foolish. You speak your mind and can come off as rude sometimes and a bit overpowering but you don't mind because what other people think of you doesnt really matter very often. You are a bit over confident and you like your men a little less confident than you but find that when you get a guy that takes charge a little you like it. As far as being rescued...you can rescue yourself 9 times out of 10 but would never admit that you needed a guy at all.
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coin operated boy
sitting on the shelf he is just a toy
but i turn him on and he comes to life
automatic joy
that is why i want a coin operated boy

(...)
i will never cry at night again
wrap my arms around him and pretend....

Now that made me think... and laugh.
I admit, the exam is weighing down on me quite badly, and I'm more suited to roam the streets at night like the undead, but oh well.
I've made a loooong list of what I shall be doing after the exam period is over. What is certain that I will be leaving the net for a while. Oh yes.

Yay for random name generators

• My Vampire name by the vamp name generator:

The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Lana Black

Known in some parts of the world as:
Bitch of Blood

The Great Archives Record:
Thirsty, unstoppable and vicious.

Charming, aye?

• Then I went and looked up with the help of fairy name generator who I should be, were I a fairy.

Your fairy is called Oak Rainbowdancer

She is a fortune bringer.

She lives in forests of oak and lime trees.

She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.

She decorates herself with leaves and berries. She has multicoloured wings like a butterfly.

Yay?

Then I went to the pirate name generator. The result is a dissappointing:

Cap'n Javier Kookypants

Eugh.

• Then I generated a totally random name in a random name generator. It was Maia Elissa.

My second generated name, which got the witch and celtic boxes checked, was Boudicca Dragonsnort. Sounds really fancy... not.

• And now I just couldn't stop. My hobbit name is Meryryan Roots of the Shire. Huzzah.

• My Prison Bitch name is Lips.
• My Japanese name is 遠藤 Endoh (distant wisteria) 千秋 Chiaki (very fine in autumn) Load of bullshit, but why not?
• My penis name is: Free Willy.
• My Chinese name is Kong Tian-rui. Tian for sky, heaven, god, celestial; and rui for sharp.
• My superhero/villain name is Broil Mistress. Rawr.
• My new pagan name is Elphame Edris Firelight.
• My second pagan name, whithout oppressing me with gender issues: Autumn Hailstone Danu. Very catching. NowI know what exciting name I shall bear when jumping over campfires and flying when drunk. Wheee.
• My pimp name is Suede D. Joker.
• My Viking name is Noname Ferretsmasher.
  "Your Viking Personality: You're a fearsome Viking, but you aren't completely uncivilized. The other Vikings make fun of you for that. You have a thirst for battle -- unfortunately, you're not terribly good at it. You probably know which end of a sword to hold, but you're not a fearsome fighter by any stretch of the imagination.

  You would have a very tough time making a long sea voyage in a Viking longboat. Other Vikings tolerate your presence, though they're not quite sure if they can trust you to fight dirty.

  You have a fairly pragmatic attitude towards life, and tend not to expend effort in areas where it would be wasted. Other people tend to think of you as manipulative and conniving."
  
  Duh?
  

• My Star Wars name is Dorgl Krbud, Rennone of Zyrtec. Blech.

That's all for today.

"And you, my friend, are royally *horn blowing*"

Schizotypal Personality Disorder

Quick Summary:

Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.

Symptoms of Schizotypal Personality Disorder:

• Odd or eccentric mannerisms or appearance
• Superstitious or preoccupied with paranormal phenomena
• Difficult to follow speech patterns
• Feelings of anxiety in social situations
• Suspiciousness and paranoia
• Odd beliefs or magical thinking
• Appears shy, aloof, or withdrawn to others

It certainly reminds me of myself. Oops.