/Bones sinking like stones
All that we've fought for
All these places we've grown
All of us are done for/

Too busy and scared shitless to take time off to write too much.
Busy with studying, scared shitless of failing.

Bit of a hard thing trying to exist between two dominant males. Ok, one dominant, the other is... he is too, just not that way. And they are both proud and want to be noticed and ...well, they both want to be very important. Which they are of course. I'm just in an overload with the exams coming. Wish they could help me out with my exams. *Nudge.*

Well, I hope all shall go well. Or something like that. Same with the guys. I like them both... I also want to pass the exam very very much.
Please.

Mily csodálatos nap ez a mai. Újabb hasonló érdeklődésű leánykára találtam. Láttam egy régi ismerőst, aki sétapálca helyett esernyővel rótta a várost. Hirtelen bevillant, hogy a stílusosság és a röhelyesség között milyen vékony a határvonal. Bevallom, nem tudom eldönteni, csak a határon áll-e vagy már túlment rajta, de majdnem elröhögtem magam mikor megláttam.

Nyelvészettel a faszom tele. Unom, és szar. Emellett túl sok napot basztam el, szóval bele kell húzni.

Tegnap végképp elegem lett a legújabb társulatból akikhez hozzáverődtem... egy internetes játékon... Ami nagy hülyeség. Hasznavehetetlen, tehetetlen, teszetosza banda, szóval hamarosan vagy átpártolok másokhoz, vagy végképp elunom ezt az egészet. Nem látom nagy hasznát annak, hogy napokig semmit nem tudok csinálni, mert mindenki elvan a saját kis világában. Ha nekem ez kell, nem keresek társaságot. A társaságban már alapjaiban benne van, hogy többen csinálnak valamit. Ami nem faszvakarás. Idióták. Hócipőm tele.

Tegnap már majdnem feladtam hogy értelmes emberre akadjak, mikor szóba elegyedtem egy chatablakban, ahol töltöttem, pár ismeretlennel. Jó fejnek tűntek, ma, haösszejön, újra dumálunk. Mint víz a szaharában szomjanhalónak.

Yup, totally digging my flat-heeled black sandals with the patterned leather straps. They are very comfy and so very pretty.
Photocopied so much I could not stuff it into my bag. It is a first. My bag is a handbag, belonging to a female, so it should be able to swallow everything. I mean they are know to contain double the amount that it should be able to hold, that's why they are called purses or female handbags. Well, this was just too much for my poor thing.
What else? Oh yes. My darling rodent just offed another necklace of mine. The chain. It was his third. Gotta go and get it repaired tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. I shall keep that in mind. Sigh. Sometimes I wish he had a button to turn him off. Will try to find him a girlfriend if I can, as soon as I can.
Gonna ask a shrink friend of mine how to get rid of my psychological connections, since they are getting a bit restrictive.

Reading American Gods. Love it. Simple as that.

Yesterday it was pure hell and torture warmed over. Today I'm all better, but I shall be glad to say good bye to "Aunt Irma". *Thinks about The IT Crowd and bursts out laughing.*
Went shopping with my mom. At least I got some things out of the bargain.
Got a buttersoft leater white pair of shoes. They are of course thin and made for summer. Totoally flat heels, of course. Also got a sandal adorned by black leather straps that cross each other in strange patterns. Looks kinda like a mary jane, but not quite. Flat heels, of course.
Also got a blouse and some utterly comical keychains with animals on them. Got one for mom and one for dad. I'm such a sweet little doll, eh?
And I handed my dad his after he declared I must be +20kilos heavier than what I say (and what is my real weight), and that I must have a 35-40 points less IQ than I do. Course he does not know what's my IQ and prolly doesn't care. Dragged him over to show him my weight and did not tell him how many points he guessed wrong. No point in showing him that an arts student is better than him and his wife in brain requirements, while they are so high and mighty with their professions of architecht and engineer. *bored shrug*
Who would honestly believe they are more clever than her, when they believe Star Wars was a pure science fiction, and so not fantasy. Two words: teddy bears. They sure as hell don't have pointy ears, but come on, walking, talking teddy bears in the jungle? Might as well be the elves instead. At least you can believe in pointy-eared people (think Spock), but cuddly little bears? Nope, not unless they are coalas totally zoned out from eukaliptus.

There were more things I wanted to write, but I forgot. Shrug.

It was totally Hollywood today. A guy went into a bank, tried to rob it, captured some people for hostages. Police came and after some hours they barged in and killed the guy.
Seriously... last time I checked it was Hungary and not the bloody USA.
Yuck.

On a happier note: got a black bracelet, a thin wristband. Black, as I have mentioned, with "Dream" imprinted on/in it. (It was a present from the shop where I bought some dice-beads. Small, black dices with white spots and holes in them. ^^ Now I have a dice bracelet. Looks pretty.)

It's still not warm enough. A pity, that.
Got to read the second half of Shipping News, since I'm going to write about it. Not to mention that I must study bloody phonology. Someone kill me now quickly and painlessly. Please. Now.

My dear friend did not help me any. She just chirped to my mother that she is working, and now everybody is after my ass, that why am I not working my arse off while attending uni and teaching. Jolly good. Feel my hate, because it burns like the fires of hell.

Half the time I'm pissed off at anybody and everybody in my vicinity when they are bloody stupid, and since they are human beings, it happens fairly often.
The other half of the time I'm trying to figure out what's my situation with my so-called boyfriend. I mean the guy never even kissed me! If he has problems with me, I'm usually a sensible being (if they do not piss me off by breathing and/or existing) so I can listen to their litany. A guy who hasn't got the guts to bloody kiss me even if it's on my cheek is just insufferable. I mean even Geek worked up the nerve to do it. Yeah, I'm scary as shit. Not.
Well, take it or leave it, I'll go to that concert, and as much as I'm losing on games, I should be hooking up with the most handsome (in my eyes) and intelligent guy ever. Hah. As if.

And on top of all else, tomorrow... make that today, I need to visit my grandma. That will be a scary event in itself indeed. I hope I survive the dinner. Provided she cooks something edible.

For those whom it may concern: I have upped the protection of certain living areas I frequent. Try to wander in aimlessly and you get so warped you end up in psych ward.
And I shall enjoy it immersely.

____________________________
Leave with the first light, go when you still see the moon.
Run for the sunlight, gate is now open for you.
Lost in the sunlight, leave, you will not see the moon.
Walk for the first time, no one has waited for you...

"When owls call the breathless moon
In the blue veil of the night
The shadows of the trees appear
Amidst the lantern light"

Not mine. Loreena's.

I've officially finished my thesis.
The three copies are in the tender care of the faculty (2) and the bitches in the office (1).
The sun is shining, I was sunbathing (admittedly for a short bit, since I don't like sunbathing, but my skin wants it), and I'm... a nervous wreck.

So: first was sleep. (Or it was second, and sunbathing was first...) Now there's some cold pear juice in the fridge, and I shall watch some Weiss Kreuz. There's nothing like Shu and Farf to calm down my poor nerves.
And then cooking. >.< But at least my folks will be away this weekend. Which is good. Hello, GW! And lotsa anime! Wheeeee! (for now)

Correction: lotsa painkillers and alcohol. It had to be today of all days. Aaaaaargh.

Some guy I've never met and said he was a neighbour just came and asked for a not too moderate amount of money. Just like that. He said he knows my parents and that they would do that for him...
Now what the hell would you do then? Told him my mom will be back soon, and that I have no money on me. (It's not nice to beg money off of a uni students anyway.)

Oh, news: mom came home, turns out she never saw that guy before - ever. Now that really trew me for a loop. Gahh. I would have kissed my money goodbye. Good thing I called my mother.

One half ready. Wooot! Too bad another half still remains unwritten, and then comes editing and... gahh... too tired to think.

Went to the doctors today. My recurring illness came back again, surprise, surprise. He was still as cute as ever. He's a grandpa, and really old, but he's the nicest doctor ever, and he actually knows what he's doing. I really really like him. He's the best! Too bad he can't cure me for life.
Sigh... And he always asks me how I'm doing, and what my boyfriend status is. He always jokes about the usual "if I were 30 years younger...". Yup, he's cute, but alass, no dates with him. :D If only he were 30 years younger... :P
But nah, he'd be too kind for my liking. But still, he was the first doctor who didn't think about me as a pin cushion, and just because of my daddy is a diabetic, he's not sending me to take my blood sample and check my blood sugar every month. I had a doctor who did that, even when I'm not diabetic, but he blamed all symptoms of my illness on the nonexsistent diabetes. Can you say asshole? I sure can.
But this guy... he actually looks over the results and he figured out what my problem was. No diabetes. Duh. He didn't send me to be a nice pin cushion anymore. For that I already like him beyond all imagination.
After all, I hate needles.

Plant check: all alive, save for one: a rose that got infected with some strange plant-virus last summer. It seems that it couldn't be saved. The other rose seems to be ok.
The spices are growing well, enjoying the sunlight. Lemongrass is growing exceptionally well, and the mint is straing to grow out of the half-dead wretched state I bought it. They are feeling quite good so far.
My bonsai tree strated growing leaves again - he is the kind of tree that strats it late in spring. But he seems to be alive as well, as the others.

Since my long-time illness started to act up again, I will go to the doctor tomorrow. When I was making the appointment, the new, young assistant (a guy) started flirting with me. Poor sod, he must have been bored out of his skull, and quite desperate. Just this once I was nice to him.

Update on essay: 1/3 ready. I'm too tired to do anything, but will have to. Ouch.

Creative stuff: last night I had sewn a pair of lacey, fingerless gloves. They look pretty. I might add a photo if I have the time. They are quite long, btw. Long and comfy. ^^
Now I just have to get around to writing that sodden essay.

Today, the strangest thing happened (not mentioning all the stuff that pissed me off). I was walking on the sidewalk (construction work making it a bit difficult), going from my uni to the jeweller, who's still sitting on my ring, damn him... And a guy just comes up to me out of the blue, lets me pass the construction work, because there is only place for one person to pass, takes off his hat, bows, and asks me out. On a date.
I muttered something about thanks for letting me go first, and hurried past. This, or I'd have punched him. Sure, he was nice, and all, but I'm certainly not the girl you just walk to and ask for a hot date. If someone thinks it's perfectly normal, there's something wrong with his head. Not to mention that I prefer to be talked up first. Asking for a date out of the blue sounds foolish and disgusting...
Shoulda told him that, but I was kinda stunned. C'est la vie.

Started watching House MD season 3 a few days before. And now, that I'm at episode 9, I'm annoyed as hell.
Why? Because a little, no-name policeman can seemingly kill the spirit of a whole hospital. He's even intimidating the boss! Which is just stupid. They surely have cured a policeman or two during their career, and they surely have benefactors among higher ups (prolly not police, but govt. works the same). So this is stupid. No matter how, they still should have someone to turn to to take care of that policeman's bullying.
Argh!

Right, first things first.
Hair cut off. Still long, but way shorter. People say it suits me.
Linked Floss the Very Secret Diaries of Tolkien's characters.
Drinking warm milk now, and contemplating life, the universe, and everything.
I want more milk. I could make cocoa... Quite possibly I lack calcium.
Enjoying short hair. Not in wind, but hey, it's still splendid. Only took one hour to wash it and dry it. Wheee!
Listening to bellydancing music, trying to get used to the not-really-familiar rythm, since I'll have to know, how to move to it.
Whoever's slipping me caffeine should just go and die. I need sleep.

I adopted a Naruto chibi! ^.^



Name: Gaara

Likes: playing with sand

Dislikes: nasty people

Owner: me, of course

Click here to adopt your own Naruto chibi!

My hair (if wet, since it's curly) is reaching my hips. Right now I'm thinking about cutting it. I mean it would be easier to manage... but I love my hair dearly, and I love it long. I mean I would love to keep it long, but it's so much more handy to keep it shorter.
I was thinking about a below-shoulder length cut... I'll prolly have my mother do it, since she's good in this, and she'd kill me anyway if I didn't let her do it instead of me or a hairdresser. And since I dislike hairdressers on a general scale...
Still, I'd love to be able to decide, what to do. I mean I always miss my hair if it's cut, and I'm always wishing I'd have cut it short when I have to wash it or it's just bothering me, or getting in the way. Or just plainly catches on something, as usual.
Gahhh. I'm having a nervous breakdown because of my hair. How pathetic is that?
Still, I'm female, so I'm allowed that much.
Help?

Yesterday I've seen El Laberinto del Fauno (Pan's Labyrinth in English).

The movie for me felt like a distasteful blend between the violent depiction of the 2nd World War and a depressing, grim, boring fantasy world with the limited imagination of a grown-up, who never thought about faeries and magical worlds that much, and was having his first try.

I was asked, why I didn't like the gory details and all that blood, because usually I'm all over bloody massacres in anime. I thought about it a bit, and after a good night's sleep I came up with the answer.
I do not like violent depictions of war (with living actors), because they are killing innocent bystanders, and I throw up from seeing much blood, because my imagination reacts to it, and my body thinks it's real. While in animes bloody massacres are ok, since what I watch do not concern innocent bystanders. I don't watch anime with characters white and black, I prefer shades of grey. (*Cough* Black Lagoon *cough*.)
Not to mention, that I've tamed my body as not to recognize anime blood as real. So now I don't have the going green and looking for the first toilet problem with that anymore. But I still have it with real, living actored movies.
Sigh.

Actually... never mind.

Oh, and I did create a wallpaper. Usual colours, nice brushsets.
Here's the link: http://www.ringo.com/photos/photo.html?photoId=199391155

Oh dear. I have so much to do, and I'm panicking as usual...
But all I can think about is that it's time to change my windows wallpaper again.
I'm kinda bored of the butterflies and the sparkles ans stuff, so I was thinking about going back to some anime themes.
Of course, I would opt for Berserk, but the decent ones are of Griffith, and there is no way that I'd use his ugly mug as a wallpaper unless he is about to get killed once and for all, with lotsa blood and gore. And there are no cute ones of Gutts... or even Farnese or her little brother.
Then I considered Akabane-san, but I couldn't find a wallpaper of him to my liking, and then came the idea... Farf or Schu would do.
But still, I will have tocreate a wallpaper, because I have... different tastes...
Yeah, it's so pathetic. I really should write my thesis, but at least it helps my thinking process.

So I guess it's either Farf, or Shu, or both. Teehee... -.-;