It's hilarious! One of the Amp officers hit on me... is hitting on me still. He was such a high and mighty one... well, just mostly diplomatic, and now he's all over me because I... well, to be honest, I don't have a clue as to why.

Most probably he just needs to get laid, soon and badly. I mean I'm just a female player as far as he knows. He doesn't know my boob size or anything else about me.
And it's not like I treated him like a love interest or even talked to him much... A greeting and a few words at best one time... That was all.
Ha! Sucker!

And he was such a nice guy... I even liked him in the friendly sort of way, because he was cool, collected, diplomatic and as slimey as the average politician. And I like that type. (Ha! Me, sucker!)
And then he goes and does something like this...
He's like a loser, a clingy guy from a concert... or a chatroom... Well, I don't go to that many chatrooms, just the usuals, where my friends sit and talk about stuff... Computers, anime, how they hate the uni, how they just hate stupid people... But there are always newcomers who jump you as soon as they realize that you are female.

Funny thing... people always think I'm male too. I even got a girl bugging and jabbing and generally annoying the hell outta me till she realized that I was female. Then she had a hissy fit.
That's when I realized that she had a crush on me while she thought that I was male...
Gosh... people are funny sometimes.

Well anyway. I'll go, try my luck at the exam, come back, sleep for a few days and then... get about living my life. *shrugs* I'll have to find some pretty clothes for March too. ^^

Ok, the stress is taking a bit too much out of me.
Whoever is an asshole and won't take this into consideration can just go and drop dead for all I care.

And I really dunno how much more I can take of Terra, since he is bugging me with stuff, is generally too bloody excited and always there whenever I manage to fight myself online for a bit. He reminds me too much of a certain someone who just tried (nearly successfully) to fuck up my life, my friendships and generally cause me a mental breakdown, since he attempted to do all this in the middle of my exam period.
I really hope that Terra will change, or I'll scream "Shut up, Edem!" at him one of these days. ^^;

"Over beer the bird
of forgetfulness broods,
And steals the minds of men;"
/Edda/

LOL

Okééé, ez kezd kissé bizarr lenni.
Úgy értem ok, hogy ha valaki külföldi, és meglátja az árakat, az örül hogy olcsó, de hogy fogja magát és az operában a legdrágább jegyeket vegye meg, nos az a padlóra küldött. Nem mintha nem élvezném... ^^
De hogyan találok magamnak megfelelő ruhát? Úgy értem, ma voltam egy rohadt hosszú bevásárló úton, és nem találtam semmit, csak trendi vackokat és olyat, ami gyönyörű, de rohadtul nem megy rám.
Kénytelen leszek megint elmenni a vizsgaidőszak után. Brrr.

Aaaaaarrrrrgh!

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.”

I think I've got the hoping part down pat. And about the learn from yesterday... I'm still trying. ^^

Like... ouch. Razors do cut, I do have to remind myself of that fact again.
After the initial blood loss I promised myself that I'll have to use wax the next time. If I can bear the pain, that is.
...but I really don't wanna... ;_;

I think I have no choice... I'll have to do it.
There are lots of ways, of course, but... well, there are only 2 ways of which I can choose from.
And in my opinion the razor is the less painful one.
Of course, many people would argue me about choosing the razor, but hey, I hate painful solutions and ... it's a bit late to do anything else about it. Even if it's not the best solution, because I know it isn't.
So razor it is.

What goes around, comes around.

Wowzers... that kinda fits... :D

Heheh. A (probably ex-)friend of mine bemoaned that they felt that all their friends abandoned them. (Yes, "they", "them", because I'm not gonna give away the gender. I'm sooo secretive, just so that I'm not giving away the person, unless I want "them" to flood my blog with hate-mail... har har. And of course that I can say: you? Oh gosh, no, never! And stare innocently. :D)
And it's so very funny. Said ex-friend says this after they betrayed one of those friends, drove me away for not sharing the same point of views (or maybe for something more this friend felt best not to share with me like many things, and why I'm still feeling a lot betrayed by this person), and after I did not make my friends chose between us, as much as said friend wanted that to happen. ... The most funny thing is: I discussed it with my friends and they would have chosen me, but I took pity on that person's sorry arse, and decided not to start a war and make my friends uncomfortable for taking sides.
Of course I felt like crap for days when I did withdraw to make said ex-friend comfy, and I was very much alone, but there were friends who took sides without any ulterior motives, or without me even talking to them and telling them about all the mess, and it felt wonderful to have them with me. It's partly thanks to them that I didn't fall into little pieces.

And then comes this ex-friend of mine, who has most of my old friends and lotsa people around them, and bemoans that they feel soooo alone, and how utterly, devastatingly, sorrowfully horrible it is... that one person chose me over them. It makes me puke. Can you spell hypocrite? Because that's what my ex-friend is. A nasty, fat hypocrite.
Betraying, driving away and hurting friends... is not what a friends does. Usually, before saying "I'm so very sorry, could you forgive me?" or giving a bloody good reason. Only a hypocrite cries when they are not even abandoned for things they committed.

Still, nice try. See if I bloody care above making sarcastic comments and laughing my arse off.
You never cared about me, asshole, and I'm above caring for your sorry arse now.
I left you my friends, you better go and have fun with them and shut up about all that crap, or I go there and I do take them away this time. Got that, you... you bitch?

...

How I would start this post is something along the lines of "oh woe me...". But it would be boring and useless. Of course it's unfortunate to have exams like these, where you will be bullied around by a lot of sorry buggers, to whom the only fun is to torture students with extra hard exam questions, so that they will have a horrible time. I should be sorry for them instead. Even I know how to have fun better. Way better.

So... what I shall do now is buy a pack of cigarettes, dig out a new asthma inhaller, pore over my notes from early in the morning till I go to sleep... And I just might pass. There is really nothing else to do. I have to swallow this. After all, schools teach us new teachers that the authority of teachers have been decreased and the students are the important ones.
Funny thing is, that when you are an university student, you have no rights whatsoever to open your mouth and protest to unkind handling - because your teachers have all the rights, and when you are a teacher, though I've only been a student teacher so far, it seems that you have no rights whatsoever again.
Thereas comes the question: who has the rights then?
The appropriate answer: not you. No matter who you are, you just don't get close enough to any kind of power. Feel frustrated? I damn sure do.

Uh-oh, my daddy is angry. He has no idea how hard an exam like this grammer one is. It has syntax, phonology, linguistics, history of the language and att the stuff between... the topics of 5 semesters. And they always ask the nastiest questions.
So... I just honestly don't care about his far-fetched idea of studying paying off, these bastards fail people just because they feel like it will be all right because they have memorized the whole lot of textbooks... I just wanna pass after a few tries. That's all.

Ok, this is freaky. It's so warm in january as in April. No snow at all, no nothing... just sunshine, warm weather and flowers. Flowers in witer!
It's 18°C here! Usually it's below zero. Seriously... this is crazy!

Seriously... what is it with gay people? The usuals are so shy they get all blushy when I pose the question of top or bottom. Just for preference, so that I can help them meet the appropriate people.
And then there is this guy... He doesn't even get scared that we go to the same uni, he is flaunting it! Course he has flowing black hair, a goatee, he wears a bit of jewellery (modest amount), expensive clothes, he is the raggedly good-looking type (I'd even get a crush on him if he were my type - I like the tall dark haired ones preferably with a fascinating brain and... well, a hawkish nose... I'm really into the big noses...), and he actually looks too good to be true (depends on preferences), and we just started talking a few weeks before, and there, smash in the face he tells me he's gay. (Big suprise there... I should have known! I mean all those little clues... He complimented my clothes... guys just don't compliment, they stare... around the breasts area.)

Well... can't say I wasn't warned, I mean very few staright guys read Anne Rice novels (thank the gods that Mark is hetero)... And then he starts launching the heavy stuff. He just up and starts telling me how he got is most wonderful masturbation experience while reading Lasher. Ye gods, I did not sign up for this! I mean I'm not getting my kinks from guys masturbating on reading Lasher.
I mean, my trouble is that I barely know him, and here he is, pouring out for my ears his masturbatory experiences... Who the fuck is interested? Ok, he's gay, I have relatively little trouble with that, I would have much more if he were my type, but he only falls in the black haired category, and I have someone else I like anyway.
So, how dare he dropping on me all his sexual frustrations, making me frustrated in the "I want to strangle that tactless idiot" sense in turn?
Yuck yuck yuck, I do not want to think about what masturbatory things Lasher can offer. Definitely not. Oh gods, I think I'll go and throw up.

One exam over, countless to follow.
I'll have an important linguistic exam, and... I'll need help to pass it. And I really mean help. I'll be bled to death before I finish the uni. ^^

What more? Ah yes, I can wear less jewellery around my wrists, seeing as my scars are nearly invisible. Of course, I know where they are, and... well, those who know where they are can see them, but if you are not searching... you'd never know they are there. Jolly good.

Well, yes, I did many things, and I never asked people to pity me. I would like my friends to remember... Course it's not gonna happen. They either flock me with useless pity, or look at me and say: oh, disgusting.
Still, even if I know how to use a knife, at least it was always a conscious decision. I can at least say, that I remember everything, I control everything (as cutting one's self and doing other "mean" or "bad" things to one's body is always considered to be about control, which is the case with me without any doubt...), and I don't black out.
I considered creating myself another personality as something not required. Of course I am prone to mood swings and feel like I could chose from several personalities, but hey, at least I don't posess several individualistic personalities.

I am doing things because I have issues about control, as in, I need more. What those who have several personalities do, is placing the blame on someone else, looking for a way out. What I'm doing right now is striving to survive, and trying to get my life back in control.

And yes, I have control issues. Like nobody ever noticed before. Duh. Having the hots for a vulcan, and naming him my role model when I was young should have clued people in.

Anyway, for those whom it concerns: I am a control freak. Don't mix me up with those who want a scapegoat. We are on the opposite ends of the spectrum. Still, it does not mean I feel superior to those who have multiple personalities. I just feel that I would be unable to do it. We have different needs as far as I can tell. Gimme a few years, and I might change my mind. Or will that be we then? :D