Survived Christmas. So did all my family members. Although I had been dragged to all 3 family dinners, I'm doing fine. Well, it made my flu worse, but then again, I lived through it.
We had my mom's godmother over (mine's dead and she never cared about me... I've never seen her ever), and she is a sweet little old lady. Properly brought up too. She was the reason the usual family fights were muted and almost nonexistent. Gods, how I love her.

Although I did get ranted at by my grandmother because I asked her to please calm down because she, in her enthusiasm to re-organize the table while we were eating (which was completely useless), knocked her glass over and soaked me twice. She told me once I'll have grandchildren and they will bitch at me (no, I really wasn't bitching, I was frikkin nice) I'll remember her and feel sorry. Well, since it was Christmas I kept my mouth shut. But I'm not sure I even want children. First I'd need to marry a guy I can stand in any case.

Problem is, all the food had made me sluggish. A few days ago I went out to shake the cobwebs off my feet and move around a bit, but it was so bloody cold my flu got worse. Again, godsdamnit!! And now it's even colder and I am going out of my mind because I need to move.

I guess it's time to do some workout, because doing bellydancing alone is so not enough. >.<

The Eurotrash Speaketh

I had a very interesting conversation, and it all boils down to different feelings about the 11th of September. Quite surprisingly, I had one of the tamer viewpoints, which is... well, pretty weird. Even Americans had more radical views than I did. o.O

Still, it was a discussion worth mentioning.

So what was my tame view?

I mentioned America deserved a slap on the wrist, but I'm not saying the people in question deserved to be killed. No, many probably didn't. But then again, Americans killed and robbed many, and retaliation wouldn't have been possible without civilian casualties. I mean a politician talking on TV would have been ignored, so I get their predicament.
To get noticed, they had to organize something big, something that goes out with a bang. I even understand that they had to destroy something big, but the trouble is, innocent (well, some were, although finding innocent people in this world is more and more impossible) people had been killed, and nobody stomachs innocent people dying.
So... if I were an evil mastermind, I would have made sure the building was empty and would have probably destroyed the empty building as a symbol (without a plane full of other people crashing into it) and would have hunted down the people who were actually guilty and had them assassinated in their own home, alone, without a fuss. Less trouble, less hate, cleaner and more proper. Also cold blooded, which probably delivers the right message.

Sweet dreams, huh? Well, still, that would have been my evil plan. No need to get innocent blood on their hands so people would hate them even more - but blowing up empty buildings works. Only punish those who deserve it and maybe take down America's pride a notch or two because the things I hear Americans spouting about other countries and continents nowadays just boils my blood.

Oh and by the way... I do NOT appreciate being called eurotrash. Yankee trash that uses this word to describe those who live in Europe and use their brains are no better than brain-dead coma patients. Only their mouth moves, sound comes out and they form big, angry and stoopid mobs - blaming any other country besides America for everything.

Oh right, disclaimer: am not a terrorist, not gonna be a terrorist, I'm not saying terrorism is good, neither am I saying I approve of it. But I sure as hell hate America a great deal for being the country that houses colossal idiots in huge numbers that have pride in being idiots and call us names because we use our brains. Nuff said.

I guess I could be considered a cold person, because now I'm seriously considering dating a guy from across the globe (any guy at the moment), so I don't have to spend all 3 days of Christmas with my grandparents or my parents.

When I told my mother that I don't feel like going every day over to my grandparents to eat together and... be together, she had a screaming fit. And since she is certified insane, I seriously don't want to cross her... much. She also told me I should spend time together with them while they are alive.

Fair enough comment. Were they anything but themselves, I guess I would do that, but I know better. Every Christmas lunch in my life ended up the same: my parents screaming with each other, my grandparents screaming at my parents, everybody screaming at each other, and me trying to hide amongst the coats (up till about 12 years old), sneaking away to try and watch TV or do something less boring and violent (but someone always found me to bitch at me, scream at me, tell me how stupid, disgusting or uncute I am), or ending up bringing a book and wishing I had a laptop, although I always scratch that idea since none of the fossils in that house have wireless net, so no use in any case. Every Christmas day spent with my family ends in a screaming match, ruffled feathers to last for days (and every day after it gets worse and worse), me wishing for a semiautomatic and amnesty after that or maybe just a hot bath and a razor blade. When I was younger, I still remember hiding in the coat closet and crying my eyes out every Christmas.

Boy, no wonder I love Cristmas. So I'm up for grabs. I just want a quiet, peaceful Christmas without my abominable family (Is it any wonder I want to leave, make my own and never turn back?), without feeling like the whipping boy of my folks and... just not living in a madhouse. Yeah it would be a Christmas miracle that'll never happen.

Just for the record... I hate the flu.

And because it has been a long time since I quoted poetry, here it is:

"La misma noche que hace blanquear los mismos árboles.
Nosotros, los de entonces, ya no somos los mismos."

(Translation for those who need it:
"The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.")

/Pablo Neruda/

There's something incredibly sad in talking to "fellow" occultists.

(Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm one of them and I'm not saying I'm not. All I do say is that I remain a skeptic. - I doubt, therefore I am.)

So today's conversation was rather funny. So was yesterday's. I mean sure, I can just imagine some kind of horrid monster blazing down from the sky to inform someone that the world is ending and soon. Right, because they have a messenger service of extraterrestrials/angels/demons/any kind of assorted creatures about the impending apocalypse. The apocalypse, that I have been informed will happen in a few years. While I have been told that a few years ago, and almost every year, of course. Why is it that they never come true?

And also, there is the matter of "gruesome days to come". Like hell. No, not literally. Every year I hear the ominous declaration that this year will be horrid, or at least more horrid than the last one. Half my occult contacts greet me with that at new years' or at Samhain, or whenever, being all solemn and I'm guessing quite serious. Those are the times I feel like asking them some serious questions like: "Wasn't that what you told me last year too? And the year before that?"

Well, the sad thing is, if you dare doubt them, they'll declare you insane, they might even mention they have been seeing some clouding of your "third-eye" of recent months, and you shall become persona non-grata. Well, there are certain advantages of being a pariah, after all they won't be bugging you with all that "This year shall be worse than the last!" ominous death-rattle shit, but... well, not for long. Also, there are a few people I can stomach it from, but actually... Not from many. I believe there shall come a day when all the dates of ill-fated future apocalypses that were oracled shall pass, and they will be left with nothing.

Although I am pretty sure the apocalypse shall happen during my time. Mankind has accumulated a bunch of very dangerous toys, and there are no gods, and yes, I know I said there are no gods, bite me, to slap their wrists (I did not include myself because I would never use them unwisely) to drop them and leave them be. I am sure we (they!) shall destroy all of humankind in the most gruesome, impossible and stupidest way ever. And I shall facepalm in the midst of all that destruction and look on critically and say a few sarcastic words before biting the dust.

Dragons. They are the same as unicorns. They are cute, cuddly and utterly, completely unrealistic, and exist only in people's imagination. Show me a bloody (no, figuratively speaking) skeleton of any kind of dragon and then I shall believe it hasn't all been just an imaginary creature the people in the middle ages thought up when they saw a dinosaur skeleton.

And there are people believing they are dragons. They are multiplying by the seconds. I honestly don't know why some formerly intelligent occult friends of mine decided to go insane and fantasize they see dragons or they are dragons. My mind's blown, I admit. It was really uncalled for. Is that thing contagious or something?

And last but not least... what's this mania about inventing more gods? I am kind of resigned to the fact that half my occult contacts believe in Lovecraft's creations, or more like believe they exist. I think that's their prerogative. I mean they have the right to pick their imaginary friend. And who says any other man-invented god is better? Because they were all invented by men, so who cares. Although I feel a bit uncomfortable, but... that's normal. I'm a skeptic, I have the prerogative to feel uncomfortable being addressed by people believing in their imaginary friends religiously. (Pun intended.)

So that's it. Do I sound scathing? Because I feel like thumping my occult friends over the head so they can get their brains right, but then again, I am in no position to say what's right. I'm only in the position to stare at them blankly and question if they are in their right mind to believe in something that has no proof whatsoever of if said something has already been proved wrong or imaginary.

Oh well.

"You’re in my blood like holy wine"

Well, shit.

Here I am, wanting to write some stupid "dear diary" crap, because today's just too much for me, and I can't because the ones it concerns can speak the languages (well, combined they do) I speak. Oh well.

So here's to confusions, to things better left unsaid, to weird confessions and to people who should really know better. Better than me in any case. Oh and also to old, lost loves, who should stay dead as they were for 10 years.